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Dear DbyDC: My leggings are falling down

Posted in Dear DbyDC... with tags , , on January 25, 2012 by DbyDC

Dear Death by Dress Code,

The elastic went in my leggings on my walk to work and I now resemble Nora Batty. I have 57p to last me till payday so I can’t buy anything new and I can’t take them off because my skirt is too short. Am I going to have to just sit at my desk all day and hope no one asks me to move?

 

Dear Saggy Pants,

Damn right you can’t take them off. Flashing your pants is one thing, catching pneumonia is very much another. This is not America. Under no circumstances should you take off the leggings.

Now. About your Nora Batty problem. Don’t worry we’ve all been there. I wore a pair of tights last week with a similar issue and spent the entire day feeling like the gusset was hanging out the bottom of my skirt. But even in times of austerity there are measures you can take to preserve your dignity and/or vanity. First of all, have you considered braces? There must be a few older gents in your office with a spare pair tucked away in a drawer. I know they’re largely worn ironically or by skinny teenagers but that’s exactly why it would be so nice to give them a go. Use them as Albert Thurston intended, you know? The resulting look could perhaps be something like this:

Maybe keep your shirt on for the office though, eh?

Not convinced? Ok. Never fear, I have the ultimate cheap trick… the office stapler. Seriously. Pinch the fabric at the back of your leggings, pulling the waistband until it sits comfortably against your skin. Next, fold down the excess material against the waistband and staple into place. Use several staples if you need to, to avoid a bulge. Don’t secure it too well or you’ll end up like Olivia Newton John in Grease when they sewed her into her costume and she couldn’t go to the loo all day (true story). You need to be able to undo and redo the staples if necessary. This will probably also mean taking the stapler to the toilet with you so if that’s likely to be a problem I’d maybe consider paper clips or bulldog clips instead.

I can personally vouch for the results. Check out the pic below in which, unbeknownst to all but me, the entire back of my skirt is riddled with staples.

Huggles, DbyDC xx

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