Puppy print swimsuit (yes, you read that correctly)

Posted in Trends with tags , , , on May 8, 2012 by DbyDC

Um… oh God. I mean… wow.

I just needed to share this with you.

Yes, people. Yes. That is a puppy print swimsuit. It is not a joke (though DbyDC is laughing pretty hard right now), you can actually buy this thing. It’s a bargain at £192.96 but hurry as there’s only one left in stock…

Wanky fashion comment of the week

Posted in Fashion News on March 26, 2012 by DbyDC

“There are two types of beauties in this world. The embarrassing, needy sort who let it all hang out, and the fabulous beasts who captivate by doing nothing at all.” – Giles Hattersley, The Sunday Times Style

There’s only one word for this: guh. If there’s a more obnoxious, snobbish, brown-nosery opener to an interview, DbyDC would really like to see it.

Firstly there’s the use of the word ‘beauties’ which calls to mind leery 1960s Miss World presenters, grinning and fondly patting the bums of the contestants. Secondly there’s the suggestion that there are only two types which, in an issue supposedly dedicated to eccentric and alternative forms of beauty, strikes me as a monumentally daft thing to say. And thirdly, there’s the suggestion that if you enjoy a bit of theatre in your approach to fashion, you are both needy and embarrassing (to whom, I’m not sure… the Sunday Times, maybe?). Oh do piss off.

The ‘beauty’ in question was Josephine de La Baume, the model and actress and – perhaps more crucially, at least where mainstream media interest is concerned – wife of Mark Ronson. Hattersley is quick to point out/gush that she is one of the latter sort, making me immediately wonder who he has in mind for the former.

Now I actually quite like Mlle de La Baume’s style. She’s not just pretty, she’s interesting-looking and she looked smokin’ as a redhead in last year’s Agent Provocateur ads. I also feel like she’d be a worthy competitor in a ‘how long can I go without washing my hair’ contest (of which the fash industry holds too few, in my opinion) but a “fabulous beast” who “captivates by doing nothing at all”? Vom. Also, bullshit. No one does nothing. No one, no one, no one. Especially not women and especially not women in the public eye so please stop pretending they do.

Except me, obviously. I wake up looking perfect…

[NB This photo was actually taken at a ‘Lost Boys’ Secret Cinema event so I’m rockin’ out my late 80s grunge but the result is pretty close to how I look first thing in the morning. Mmm…]

 

 

Fashion shocker: Woman ignores dress code; is turned away

Posted in Fashion News with tags , , , on January 25, 2012 by DbyDC

It has come to DbyDC’s attention that this woman was barred from entering three nightclubs on account of her attire failing to meet the specifications of their dress code.

 

Now, ‘smart casual’ can be interpreted fairly broadly but even I have to admit it probably doesn’t extend to PVC and chains.

The doormen who told 28-year-old Lisa Woodman she was “too old” to wear the ensemble were definitely being a bit idiotic. And of course they aren’t allowed to discriminate against her on grounds of age but on outfit… yeah, I’m afraid they are. This isn’t a matter of what you can or can’t squeeze your body into, it’s a matter of style and – ultimately – taste. If a venue has a dress code, you have to adhere to it and yes, I’m afraid they get to decide where the boundaries are drawn.

By the way, it’s probably worth pointing out at this stage that ‘death by dress code’ refers to the cultural narrative of dress imposed upon us by our Anglo-American capitalist society, not actual dress codes. Actual dress codes are quite useful; they help us decide what to wear. Also, to my knowledge, no one has ever actually died as the result of one [note to self: maybe check this?].

Anyway, the tabloids have ostensibly tried to spin this into some sort of feminist issue in their usual back-handed way but it’s not really washing. Yes a woman (hell, a person) has the right to look like a cartoon porn star if she wants to but don’t be surprised if there are limited occasions in which this is deemed ‘in keeping’.

Now, DbyDC is all for self-expression through the medium of fashion but what is this woman trying to express? That’s not even a rhetorical question, I really want to know. She says she likes to dress sexily and that’s fine but maybe save the wipe-clean fabrics for Torture Garden, eh?

I hate to say it but she looks like a prostitute. And not one like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. That, my friends, is ‘hooker chic’ and far more stylish than anything Ms Woodman owns.

So what is it? A protest? The newspapers seem to think that Lisa Woodman has been humiliated by not being allowed in to her local club, that women should be allowed to wear whatever they like and not have to suffer such open disapproval. I mean, that’s what the slutwalks were for, right?

Hmm. Not quite. The slutwalks were about women being able to wear whatever they liked without being abused. They were not about getting into clubs. People like Lisa should be allowed to strut their stuff in any manner of getup without becoming victims to verbal or physical assault.

But at no point did anyone suggest we have to share their fashion tastes.

Dear DbyDC: My leggings are falling down

Posted in Dear DbyDC... with tags , , on January 25, 2012 by DbyDC

Dear Death by Dress Code,

The elastic went in my leggings on my walk to work and I now resemble Nora Batty. I have 57p to last me till payday so I can’t buy anything new and I can’t take them off because my skirt is too short. Am I going to have to just sit at my desk all day and hope no one asks me to move?

 

Dear Saggy Pants,

Damn right you can’t take them off. Flashing your pants is one thing, catching pneumonia is very much another. This is not America. Under no circumstances should you take off the leggings.

Now. About your Nora Batty problem. Don’t worry we’ve all been there. I wore a pair of tights last week with a similar issue and spent the entire day feeling like the gusset was hanging out the bottom of my skirt. But even in times of austerity there are measures you can take to preserve your dignity and/or vanity. First of all, have you considered braces? There must be a few older gents in your office with a spare pair tucked away in a drawer. I know they’re largely worn ironically or by skinny teenagers but that’s exactly why it would be so nice to give them a go. Use them as Albert Thurston intended, you know? The resulting look could perhaps be something like this:

Maybe keep your shirt on for the office though, eh?

Not convinced? Ok. Never fear, I have the ultimate cheap trick… the office stapler. Seriously. Pinch the fabric at the back of your leggings, pulling the waistband until it sits comfortably against your skin. Next, fold down the excess material against the waistband and staple into place. Use several staples if you need to, to avoid a bulge. Don’t secure it too well or you’ll end up like Olivia Newton John in Grease when they sewed her into her costume and she couldn’t go to the loo all day (true story). You need to be able to undo and redo the staples if necessary. This will probably also mean taking the stapler to the toilet with you so if that’s likely to be a problem I’d maybe consider paper clips or bulldog clips instead.

I can personally vouch for the results. Check out the pic below in which, unbeknownst to all but me, the entire back of my skirt is riddled with staples.

Huggles, DbyDC xx

Why Blade Runner is better than Versace

Posted in Fashion News with tags , , , , , on January 19, 2012 by DbyDC

It occurred to DbyDC while looking through the new Versace for H&M collection (on sale from today, which basically means until about lunch time) that the models were channeling a bit of a replicant vibe. Bleached hair, slightly plasticky-looking skin tone, penetrating, unearthly gaze…

Know what I mean? For reference, here are Ridley Scott’s original gang…

What do you reckon? Frankly, I prefer the droids.

Now, there’s nothing particularly WRONG with Donatella’s latest PR stunt attempt to bring quality and design to the many rather than the few but it just isn’t as good as Blade Runner.

I mean, think about it… costume designers, imagining in 1982 what bioengineered superhuman androids might wear in 2019, actually came up with BETTER outfits than a fashion designer in 2012 designing clothes for plain old people to wear in 2012. Doesn’t that just blow your mind? No? Ok, fine. Clearly I just have waaaay too much of a thing for 80s Sci Fi.

Laugh all you like. If it came to a straight fight between pastel-coloured fruit prints and black leather, sheer body con and glittering scales (oh, please let it come to that), I know whose side I’d be on.

Introducing the ULTIMATE beauty tool… Fotoshop by Adobé

Posted in Style Tips with tags , , , , on January 13, 2012 by DbyDC

Love this. I am actually working on a feature at the moment about the difference between how the body is represented in art vs how it is represented in media. But that’s a bit heavy for DbyDC so for now I’ll just go with… Fuck yeah!

Fotoshop by Adobé from Jesse Rosten on Vimeo.

Croc-horror! A selection of shoes that are IN EVERY WAY preferable to Crocs.

Posted in Style Tips with tags , , , , , , on January 13, 2012 by DbyDC

To be honest slagging off Crocs is a bit below DbyDC. I mean, it’s so obvious. But then someone sent me… THIS:

Is this the ugliest shoe in the world? It’s a big shout but after careful consideration DbyDC has decided…  yes. Yes, it probably is. I mean, good CHRIST, Crocs. What the flippin’ heck were you thinking?

 [NB There is a strong possibility these boots are a fake. What would possess somebody to create a mutant Croc – even in digital form – is not a question I feel qualified to answer right now but I’m not going to let that put me off  a bit of good old-fashioned bitching.]

Then again, it’s not like they’ve got a sterling track record where style is concerned, is it?

Now, I’m a strong believer in the form follows function mandate but come on. You’re not supposed to abandon form altogether. There is just NO NEED for shoes to be this ugly. It’s gratuitous. And their moronic buyers justify them on the basis that they are “comfy”. This is bollocks. Do you know what else is comfy, Croc-suckers? These:

Muji, £10.95 in case you’re interested. I have them in cream. God, they’re comfy. And you can put them in the washing machine. Can you put crocs in the washing machine? No.

“Oh but… oh but… [say the Croc-apologists] you can’t wear slippers outside. Crocs are waterproof.” Oh really? Wow. Do you know what else is waterproof? These:

How cool? Wellies that look like biker boots. I don’t own them but I wish I did. They’re by Hunter and you can pick ’em up on Asos for £95.

“Wellies, pah! [oh crap, it’s the Croc-lovers again] Crocs are breezy and cool and you don’t even need socks… though you can wear socks if you like.” Wtf, is that supposed to be a selling point? What a Croc of shit. Do you know what else is cool and sock-free? These:

Wait, what’s that? Comfy, breezy, waterproof AND they don’t look like snozzcumbers on acid? Surely it’s too good to be true?

Well, actually no. Just pop down to Office, cough up £22.99 and the dream really can become reality.

You’re welcome. x